Every day for the past few months I’ve been thinking about putting my story to paper. I’d get into the habit of sitting down on my bed, getting as comfortable as possible as though as I was hoping it would give some sort of structure to the thoughts in my head. I’d mute every sound, and in an almost solemn way I’d focus on what I was going to say whilst staring at a blank piece of paper that kept reminding me of the nothingness I’ve been feeling lately. Perhaps this was due to the subconscious voice within me that kept telling me that I wasn’t much of a writer and besides that, that I had nothing to say and which difference would my words make to the world anyways? Somehow I never accomplished to mute that voice in my head nor could I answer that question for myself. These thoughts were always accompanied by an unknown fear within me, a fear that was more than just a little vague, that had so far successfully prevented me from telling the truth, and nothing but the truth
Sometimes reality doesn’t seem so real if one doesn’t realize it’s real. I mean, you might know that it’s real but that doesn’t mean you realize it. Realization to me is an active process that involves critical thinking. I’d like to give an example: Imagine you’re in high school and your teacher tells you you’re supposed to know, let’s say, a theory of a famous physician if you wish to graduate. Now you can learn the cold hard facts that are being fed to you and in this sense, know. But you’ll never see the theory in the way the physicist saw it. You most likely won’t try to comprehend how the physicist got to his conclusion let alone question the physicist’s theory and after intense study declare it invalid. You might know all the formulas, learn it all by heart, but realization is more than just dealing with facts. It’s about looking behind the scenes, it’s about trying to put yourself in the physicist’s shoes and get a whole different perspective on the matter. Knowing, or knowledge in this sense is passive and as such, will never alter reality. So I’d say knowledge is safe but realization is dangerous, especially to those who realize that they’re realizing.